Tag Archives: fear of failure

Here we go (again)

I’m on the verge of acting on some very well laid plans… So well, in fact I have been making them for about 2 years… I won’t even begin to pretend I have confidence, but here I am, restless and nervous about what may come. Like virtually every other woman I know I find myself unhappy with my looks, more specifically what I have done to my body. I fluctuate wildly from fit to fat and here I sit having had just gained back 20 pounds in 3 and a half months that I worked so hard to lose.

Well, a new derby season is but hours away (a boot camp I am SO poorly prepared for). I am anticipating some polite glances that will confirm my weight gain has not gone unnoticed, peppered with feeling shitty about letting myself go to the point I can’t do some skills I could just a few months ago.

Strangely enough I am still looking forward to it. I do feel as though this first day back is the motivation I need to get started (new year’s obviously didn’t do it). I’m coming across as a bit pessimistic, I know- but I am in essence saying goodbye to an old friend.

Boom Boom, you were rad. But it’s time to make way for a new girl.

I am not as brave as some people who photograph themselves in way-too-small bikinis and reveal their weight and measurements for the world to see while on a mission to attain some kind of accountability- it’s most likely due to my own fear of failure, but I will promise to be honest.

One last thing- I tend to go a little psycho during the first couple days that I eat healthy. I am so addicted to sugar that I get migraines and basically swear at people for no good reason. Let this be your warning.

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